Tired
by rudduckppuckum
Summary: The war continues post-LK. Kel is reassigned and takes on a new role in the war effort, closer to the front lines and threatening to consume her. She struggles to learn how to balance different aspects of herself, her relationships with others, and the consequences of war. Rating may increase later.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Kel was tired. She glanced out the opened tent flap; the sky seemed lighter than it should be, though it was only a few candle marks since sunset. With a sigh, her attention returned to the map spread out on the crate-turned-desk in front of her. Although the Scanran armies suffered from the loss of the killing devices, they adapted and all too quickly developed new strategies. A month had passed since her return from Blayce's castle, but they were still at war. In her opinion, they would be for a long time.

Part of her wasn't surprised when a messenger rode through New Haven's gates with a summons to Fort Mastiff for reassignment. Absentmindedly, she swatted at a mosquito. The price of keeping a light to work by at night. She missed the solid permanence of her former office, with windows and walls to keep most of the bugs at bay. But a larger part rejoiced to live in a tent again, no matter how uncomfortable or inconvenient. Kel was surprised that, two days into her new position, the transition had gone so well. As a knight attached to the army, her responsibilities were vastly different from the ones that Fanche and Saefas inherited from her.

Now, rather than defend and manage a camp of civilians, Kel was included in Tortall's offense. She stared at the map, struggling to remember Raoul's advice about coordinating different phases of attack. A red dot, neatly labelled 'IRONRIDGE', marked a Scanran camp. She ran a hand through her hair. With small hills surrounding the camp, just on the other side of the river, how in Mithros' name was she supposed to attack without exhausting her troops or leaving them exposed. On one hand, a cavalry would have a difficult time chasing down the infantry during a retreat, but on the other hand, infantry would be exhausted from a march before the fighting started, and doubly so if ordered to retreat.

"It's not up to just you, you know," a voice called from just outside her tent. Kel grimaced.

"Yes, but someone has to do it," she replied as Faleron ducked his head to enter. One of the changes that she liked about her new position was the chance to catch up with her old friend. Faleron, as a young knight, had been with the army since the beginning of the war. Once upon a time, Kel had been intensely jealous of her friend, who had the position that Kel herself had dreamed of whenever she thought about future service on the border. But those fantasies died somewhere along the line of her own duties with the refugees.

"Yes, but that's why the general has a council. But you and I know that isn't the real reason that you're up so late." Kel was quiet for a moment. She was used to Neal being upfront with her, but few others were so direct. She frowned slightly. Throughout all of their page years, Faleron was never so outspoken.

"You've grown up a lot since the last time we met." He smiled ruefully.

"Well, that's war for you I guess. Mithros, it's been a while, though. When _was_ the last time we met? Back in Corus? Someone's Ordeal?"

"I think we rode out of Corus together, before we went separate ways on our way to the front," she replied thoughtfully.

"You know what — you're right. I think that's the last time I saw you. I remember hearing later about your assignments and I couldn't decide if I thought Wyldon was a lunatic or if I thought he picked the best person for the job. Though I definitely thought he was crazy to leave you with Queenscove and Hollyrose and no one else." Kel smiled.

"You only think that because you know how the story ended and that we did a god job." She did her best to keep the bitterness out of her voice; Haven's success lay in her people's desire for independence, not in her abilities as a commander, a fact that most people she talked to seemed to overlook.

"Have you had much word from New Hope?"

"Faleron, it's only been a week since I left and two days since I got here."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean that Neal isn't pining for you already." Unlike Kel, Neal and Merric remained at New Hope: Neal to run the infirmary and Merric to take over some of her military duties.

"He's been pining a lot less now that Yuki moved in too."

"I remember his poetry. Pining is one of Neal's favorite hobbies, there's no way he's given it up now that he's married."

"His poetry was pretty bad, wasn't it?" They laughed for a moment, remembering Neal's love for melodramatics. Kel sighed. It was great to catch up with Faleron, but she missed her best friend. Faleron yawned. "So are you just checking up on me, or did you have any specific business?"

"Nah, I was just walking back from the latrine and I saw that your light was on, figured I'd stop by and say hello. Anyways, how are you? I mean, really."

"What do you mean?"

"Everyone knows that you were devoted to your people and that you made an excellent commander. Now, you're a young, though experienced, knight who offers advice on strategy and is loosely attached to the army, once more under someone else's orders. It's gotta be weird."

"Well, it's certainly different. But I was always under someone else's orders— Lord Wyldon was my district commander. Although I certainly have a lot less responsibility now, it's rather refreshing."

"Kel, if I've ever known a workaholic, it's you. Are you sure you're as refreshed as you say you are?"

"I mean, I don't really know what to do with myself, but I'll figure it out."

"And that's why you're up so late pouring over a map on a makeshift desk?"

"Would you rather I use the ground?"

"That's not what I mean."

"I'll figure it out, I'm just used to spending my nights working on paperwork."

"All of your nights?"

"There was a lot of work to do. Clerks are a blessing, but they can't do everything."

"That's not what I— never mind."

"What?"

"It's nothing." Faleron scraped the dirt off one of his boots. Kel sighed, loudly and resigned.

"What's the gossip now?" Faleron jumped.

"Wha—, Kel, that's not—"

"People have been infatuated with my love life ever since I became a page and I know that there are few things that soldiers love more than steamy gossip, though they would rather die than admit it. I'm used to people talking about me. In a way, it's actually pretty funny."

"It's not right."

"It doesn't matter if it's right or wrong. People are people, and unless they're suggesting treason, they can't do anything so there really isn't any point in making big deal about it."

"But —"

"Making a big deal about it is the easiest way to give them power over me." Kel yawned. In a less serious tone, she added, "Look, it's okay if you don't want to tell me, but please don't get into any fights about my honor. We aren't pages anymore."

"What about the Code of Chivalry? You are honorable and everyone should respect that." Kel looked up from the map. Sometimes it was jarring to realize that her friend spent the last year amongst soldiers, not civilians.

"You know, back when we were pages, remember how Sir Myles kept ranting about how the Code is given too much credit?" Faleron nodded.

"Yeah, but he's also an old man who sometimes drinks too much wine."

"He drinks a lot of wine, but that doesn't entirely discredit his opinion." Kel held up a hand to keep Faleron from interrupting. "Anyways, back when we were pages, I fervently disagreed with him. The Code outlined what it meant to be a knight, you know, beyond duty and loyalty. But now that I am a knight, I'm not so sure.

"I spent the last year mostly in the company of commoners. Yes, the army is full of commoners, but the army also commands a strict sense of order and they all volunteered. And yes, I did have a few squads of militia men. But for the most part, I worked, no, lived, with refugees who just wanted to put their lives back together. I'm not trying to be poetic, that's Neal's job. My point is that they didn't give a damn about how honorable I was, they just cared about what kind of job I did.

"The Code is a nice set of guidelines, but it doesn't put food on the table or money in your pocket. So if someone wants to shout about how dishonorable I am, let them. It's not worth it. They don't have any power over me. I'm going to do my job just the same, thank you very much."

"That was quite the speech," Faleron said at last. Kel shrugged.

"It's true."

"Still, sometimes I forget…. We're very different people than we used to be," Faleron said with a chuckle.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you were always willing to give a lecture, but you were a lot shorter then."

"Yeah, well I guess I've got through a few growth spurts since then."

"Mithros, we are adults now, aren't we?"

"Did it sneak up on you?" Kel laughed.

"A little. I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I know exactly what to do and how to do it, and sometimes I think the paint on my shield is still drying," he said with a shrug.

"I know what you mean," Kel lied. Her uncertainties seemed like a distant memory. "Well, I think I'm going to turn in. No point in burning through an entire candle tonight and there will be plenty of work to do tomorrow." She got up and stretched.

"Goodnight, Kel. And it really is a pleasure to work with you again." Faleron waved and left the tent. Kel blew out the candle, removed her boots, and clambered into her bed roll. She yawned again, but her mind was wide awake.

Her thoughts skipped between nostalgia for her refugee camps and worry over Faleron. Had he really gotten into fights over her honor, or was he just a concerned friend? She hoped it was the latter; cruel remarks might not be much more than entertainment to her, but a fight would only make life difficult for everyone involved.

By the time the sun rose, it felt as though she hadn't slept at all. Groggily, Kel rose and went about her morning chores. The army waited for no one and she would be damned if she didn't get in at least a quick pattern dance before meeting the other knights and officers for breakfast. Practice done, Kel switched to a less-dirty set of clothes and went to search for food.

Upon leaving her tent, Kel glanced at the smaller tent pitched alongside hers. She could hear muffled cursing coming from within. A moment later, Tobe hopped out of the tent on one leg. She chuckled.

"Everything all right?" Tobe made a face.

"Yeah, I just stubbed my toe pretty good, that's all."

"I see. So what are the grooms having you do today?"

"Oh, probably same as yesterday. It's weird, having strange people barking orders at me all the time, like I'm some sort of idiot who doesn't know a horse's face from a horse's ass."

"Tobe."

"Right, horse's tail. Sorry, Mother. I'm just a little cranky."

"You miss New Hope, don't you?"

"Well, of course I do. Don't you? Right that was a stupid question. You're probably worrying about them more than I am."

"Tobe, you know that you can go back to them. You're not enlisted in the army. If someone throws a hissy fit I could always say that I was worrying about the state of affairs there and I ordered you to return."

"Everyone already sees me as nothing more than your servant. I don't really want to encourage that," Tobe said with a grimace.

"I know. Life here is… it's different. But you and I both know that I won't boss you around. But I also think that your talents are put to use better at New Hope than they are here." They'd had the same conversation ever since Kel received her new orders.

"Uh uhh. If I leave you here all by yourself, you wouldn't get any sleep and you'd work yourself way too hard and no one else here is going to watch out for you like I can." Kel opened her mouth to argue, but Tobe beat her to it. "And I don't care how stifling it is here, or how much it reminds me of working for Alvik, I'm not leaving you to fend for yourself."

"Very well then. Let's go see about some breakfast then." At first, Kel had been surprised to learn that breakfast in camp was a much simpler affair than breakfast at New Hope. After all, with all of the army's resources, they could afford to requisition a larger variety of food. But then again, no one knew how long the war would last and it would be foolish to spend more money than necessary. Everyone was worried enough as it was about when the King would implement new taxes to pay for the war. Still, was a small garden really too much to ask for?

After breakfast, they parted ways: Tobe to the stables, Kel to the officer's conference tent. When she arrived, she chose the seat nearest the entrance. As the newest member of the group, her place was the bottom of the table. She knew that some of her friends might complain that her superiors had placed her there due to her gender, but Kel was perfectly comfortable in her knowledge that it was tradition, like a subtler form of hazing. Others claimed that, as an experienced commander, she ought to take a higher place, but Kel disagreed. She would move up the table when she deserved to, just like everyone else.

In fact, not being in charge was a nice change in pace for Kel. Part of her lamented her decreased authority, but the larger part welcomed the change. Some might see it as a demotion, but Kel reveled in her quasi freedom and lack of responsibility. It was nice to follow orders, instead of issue all of them. Life with the army, aside from missing New Hope, was carefree compared to the bustling refugee camp. For once, Kel was not accountable if and when anything went wrong.

At last, the conference tent was full. There were a handful of knights whom Kel recognized from the Progress in addition to a few of her former training mates, including Quinden of Marti's Hill and Seaver of Tasride. So far, Kel had done her best to avoid talking about her role in the war, particularly her defeat of Blayce the Necromancer. Of course, that was one of the stories that everyone wanted to hear.

The biggest difference though, between life with the army and life back at New Hope, was the different attitude about the war. When she was in charge of the refugee camp, Kel spent every moment of every day working towards the defense of her people. Here, everyone discussed different strategies of taking the fight to the enemy. At New Hope, Kel did her best to survive another day, another week. The army worked towards winning the war.

Fortunately, Kel did not spend her entire day cooped up in a tent debating tactics. Although she very much enjoyed these discussions, Kel doubted whether she would ever be content to sit around all day. A feeling of relief washed over her at the end of the morning session. Per usual, Kel grabbed a quick lunch with the other knights before heading out to inspect the camp.

Although Kel was attached to the army in general, she often found herself training with one or two of the same squads, if the past few days were any indicator. Today, she joined Squad Two-Three, or, as they called themselves, Squad Squash. At first, Kel had planned to train with a different squad each day, but Lieutenant Braeden, a firm man in charge of Company Two's organization implored her to work with either Squad Squash or Agency Squad. She wasn't sure where the nicknames came from, but she figured that the men would tell her once she had built up enough rapport with them. Yesterday, she wondered why Lieutenant Braeden suggested these particular squads.

Today, she still didn't know, but she found that she enjoyed their company all the same. In a way, training with these men reminded her of her days as a squire, training with the men of the King's Own. With an inward smile, Kel remembered riding through the mud to some corner of the realm, competing with Lerant, and Dom making fun of her lamentable carpentry skills. Training with Squad Squash, while in some ways similar, was inherently different. Working with the infantry was reminiscent of her first years as a page.

Just as Kel began to worry that enlisted soldiers would treat her differently due to her gender or rank, Sergeant Bertran introduced himself and told her that his men were practicing with pikes and asked if she would care to join them. Since then, in addition to her pike skills increasing, she also learned more about her comrades. Sergeant Bertran, his younger brother Torsten, and another man named Marc had grown up together in a village near Lake Naxen and had all enlisted at the same time. Meanwhile, Jaheem came from one of the Bazhir tribes of the Great Southern Desert while Geron and Farald hailed from Persopolis, though they did not know each other prior to their service in the army. Oleg grew up in Corus and was once a kitchen boy at the Palace, and though he swore that they had met, Kel could not remember him. Emlyn was not very talkative, but he seemed interested in her stories about the Yamani Islands and, try as she might, neither Corbin nor Vardon would speak to her, not that she had many opportunities during their exercises.

Sweaty and tired, Kel strode back to her tent as soon as practice wrapped up. A voice whispered that she was wasting a good opportunity to get to know the soldiers better, but a louder voice wanted a wash and to get back to work. Kel listened to neither voice, instead finding Tobe in the mess tent.

"How'd it go today?" she asked, biting into a biscuit. Tobe scowled.

"I swear, sometimes they think I'm an idiot, never leaving me alone to tend to my chores, hovering over me, ready to yell at me the second I do something wrong or unusual."

"Don't worry, they'll figure it out soon enough. You're a talented boy, they just don't see it yet."

"Yeah, yeah. Better get back to it though, those horses won't appreciate it if I'm late with their dinner."

"Bye, Tobe."

"See ya, Kel." Food eaten, Tobe walked out of the tent. Kel sighed; she should probably get back to work too.

When she reached the shade of her tent, Kel stared once more at the dot marked IRONRIDGE. She sighed once more. It felt as though there was an obvious solution right in front of her, but somehow it eluded her. The only way to find a solution was to keep working, so Kel sat down with a groan and devoted the rest of her attention to the map in front of her.

* * *

So, it's been a really long time since I posted a story, but I thought that I was overdue. This one has been stewing for a while and I really want to see where it takes me. Most of the post- _Lady Knight_ fanfics assume that the war ends quickly, New Hope becomes a free town, and Kel goes off to replace Raoul in the King's Own. All of these stories are great, and I absolutely love reading them, but I also wanted to stir the pot a little and try something different. I'm going to try to write often and post regularly, but life is messy and complicated and sometimes gets in the way. Anyways, I hope you enjoy reading this and please (please!) feel free to leave feedback, constructive criticism, etc.

-Rudduck

PS: I have no idea if I'm going to keep the title; I'm really bad at picking titles and my document was already named 'tired', so that's what I'm going to work with for now.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"Mithros bless, Kel, why are you still awake at this hour?" Faleron stumbled wearily into her tent. Kel looked up from the paperwork in front of her.

"I just got back from guard duty and wanted to polish off a few more things before going to sleep, that's all," she replied.

"Why on earth were you on guard duty? Isn't that what the soldiers are for?" Kel sighed as Faleron sat down on her cot.

"Not guard duty properly. Seaver was feeling ill and asked me to cover his position for him. Just a supervisory kind of thing, but Captain Lawson insists that we keep every position filled even if we haven't seen hide nor hair of the enemy since I got here over a month ago." She tried and, judging from Faleron's expression, failed to keep the resentment out of her voice. "Sorry, I'm just tired and a little cranky."

"I think we're all starting to feel that way. It's frustrating, day in and day out preparing for an enemy that just won't come. I know they kept fighting after you destroyed their killing devices, but maybe they changed their mind once summer rolled around again."

"It's possible; this time last year we'd already seen at least a few skirmishes down at Haven and we got reports saying that Wyldon and Raoul both saw some action. This year it's dead quiet."

"Well, we can't fight an enemy that we don't have. If Maggur's done fighting, it'd be nice if he would let us know so that we can all go home. What are you going to do when this war is finally over?" Kel thought about it for a moment.

"You mean after I catch up with everyone? I think I'd like to go visit the Yamani Islands again. Then again, I think that it would be good for Tobe to work with Daine and I don't think he'd appreciate it if I dumped him in a strange city and then took off across the sea. But I'd like to see them again." Kel chuckled.

"What?"

"My old training master, Mistress Nariko, I don't know if she'd be proud or if she would just toss me on the ground and lecture me for getting cocky. Probably the latter. But what about you, Faleron? Any big plans when you get off the front line?" He was silent. For a moment, Kel thought he had fallen asleep on her bed.

"I don't know. But I'm really looking forward to relaxing. I think I would probably spend some time at King's Reach, it's got the best orchards in the realm. You should see them sometime, when we're not at war." Faleron described his home, clearly clinging to fond memories of the place. Kel tried not to yawn; his stories were interesting, but by Mithros she was exhausted.

She could almost see the orchards, warm and sunny. It was too early in the season for ripe apples, but it was a beautiful, calm day. Kel sat down at the base of a tree and picked up the shirt she was mending. She leaned back and made several lazy stitches, her needle moving with ease through the soft fabric. A light breeze whispered through the leaves up ahead.

Suddenly, a hand grabbed her shoulder.

"Kel, I think you should go to bed now."

"Wha— Faleron, did I fall asleep? I'm so sorry, I was listening. And then I was dreaming about sitting in an apple orchard."

"It's alright. It's late, Kel. Get some sleep. That work can wait until morning, you're too tired to finish it now. Honestly, I have no idea how you managed to work on it at all, it's so late out." Faleron helped her over to the cot and removed her boots for her. She thought about objecting, but her limbs were heavy and she knew that she would only fall asleep again. Faleron was right; her work would just have to wait. He tugged on the blankets until they covered her, then blew out the candle on his way out.

"'Night, Kel," he whispered. She wasn't sure if she replied or not.

Kel woke up at her usual time the next morning. After a quick stretch and a rushed practice dance, Kel set her glaive aside and returned to the little desk she'd acquired.

Two candle marks later, the previous night's paperwork was finished. Looking at her work, Kel noticed that this morning's handwriting was much more legible than last night's scrawl. She couldn't remember ever being that tired, but she was sure that she had been at some point before.

Next, Kel turned to the letter from Neal. Although it only arrived yesterday, Kel knew that her friend was eagerly awaiting her reply. To be honest, Kel too had craved correspondence. She was itching for news of her friends and of New Hope; this was the first word she'd heard from the town.

 _Dearest, darlingest Kel,_

 _Yes, I know that_ _'_ _darlingest_ _'_ _is not a word, but scholars such as I have often invented new phrasing when other phrases were simply inadequate._

 _How is life with the army? I am sure that it must seem like your presence has been thrust upon a company of uncivilized brutes, and for that I am so sorry that I cannot be there to lighten the burden. Is Tobe keeping out of trouble? One day I_ _'_ _m sure that he_ _'_ _s going to go about starting mischief, given the influences that he has suffered through. For that matter, are you keeping out of trouble? I seem to recollect a few bruises and fights when we were in our heyday._

 _Life here is good. Although we haven_ _'_ _t seen any Scanran activity, life at New Hope is never boring, as you are well aware. Yes, the fields are thoroughly planted, as I know you were about to ask, were we speaking in person._

Kel smiled. Yes, she probably would have done just that.

 _Several more acres are in the process of being cleared while the wood is used to build more houses. Sometimes even I am surprised at how quickly these northerners can work! Those who are not otherwise engaged have continued their lessons, with zeal, I might add._

 _The other day, Irani gave me the most wonderful news_ _—_ _I_ _'_ _m going to see you soon! I do not know how soon or under what circumstances, she refused to tell me, but I am excited all the same. I was already training several assistants to take over for me in the infirmary, but now I have reason to be particularly thorough. For the most part, they are good pupils and I have the sincerest belief that they shall learn everything that I can teach them within a month or two_ _—_ _which is pretty impressive, I_ _'_ _ll have you know, because they came to me with little knowledge and I with little experience in teaching. My how the times have changed!_

 _Merric is doing as well as may be expected; his wounds from last year are healed, but I_ _'_ _m afraid to add that he_ _'_ _ll never be the same. Oh, he can walk and ride alright, but he tires much more quickly and he is significantly less active than he used to be. Sometimes he complains of an ache, but only when he is at the end of his rope. Even the orphans have stopped giving him a hard time. Unfortunately, their efforts have been concentrated on me to make up for it, I think._

 _My bride has adjusted well to life in the north. Since her magnificent arrival, some of the men built us a proper house and the women helped her fashion linens for it. I would have protested that such efforts were too much, but I knew that they would have brooked no objections. In any case, Yuki was thrilled. I think that she was a little nervous about her incorporation here, but the townsfolk welcomed her with open arms. I like to think that they want to see me happily situated._

 _Looking forward to seeing you again soon!_

 _-Neal_

 _P.S. If you would be so kind, please pass on my regards to Tobe, and anyone else I may know in camp._

As she folded Neal's letter, Kel could not believe how relieved she felt. Logically, she knew that New Hope would do just fine without her, but she still worried about the ever-growing town. She set out to draft a response to Neal's letter.

 _Dearest,_ darlingest, _Nealan,_

 _I_ _'_ _m glad to hear that everyone is in good health and that planting is well under way. I cannot wait to see how much New Hope has grown since I left it!_

 _I am afraid that life here has been too busy and yet so tedious to give you much of an account. I spend most of my day working, although it seems like as the days go on I do a lot more paperwork and a lot less training. I say training, because, like you, we haven_ _'_ _t seen any Scanrans, let alone combat, since I arrived a month ago. It_ _'_ _s not just me though; everyone here is itching to do something real and tempers are running a little high because of it. But that_ _'_ _s just my opinion._

 _Tobe and I are well, though we don_ _'_ _t see each other very often. Faleron and Seaver are both assigned here as well, though I only see them a little more frequently than Tobe, for all that we are all knights with similar tasks._

 _Tobe is_ _—_ _surprise, surprise, working with the army_ _'_ _s horses. There isn_ _'_ _t anyone else here his age, but I think he_ _'_ _s adjusting as well as can be expected. He complains a lot about his new coworkers and supervisors, but I think it_ _'_ _s mostly just hot air rather any serious issues._

 _I look forward to seeing you again. Perhaps that means that we_ _'_ _ll be doing something interesting for a change!_

 _Your friend,_

 _Kel_

She made a note to share Neal's letter with Tobe whenever she saw him next. Although, she realized sadly, they might as well be in separate camps. Even though their tents remained pitched next to each other, Kel only saw Tobe on the rare occasion that they were both up and about at the same time.

The camp around her was still quiet. For the millionth time, Kel thanked the gods that she had always been an early riser. She looked down at her task list, trying to decide which to tackle before breakfast. These days, Kel often found herself working on camp supplies, putting her math skills to use. It was only when, a request for spears finished, Kel noticed the sparrow lying on top of her trunk, and only then because she wanted a fresh set of clothes from within.

Kel felt her eyes watering, threatening to overflow. When the tears came, she only tried half-heartedly to stop them. Looking down at the dead bird, she realized that she couldn't even remember its name. It felt like a lifetime ago when she had last paid much heed to the sparrows. Part of her assumed that they would always be there. At least this sparrow died peacefully, though Kel knew that it had scouted for her and probably saved her life, at least once. Hot tears ran down her face. She didn't deserve animal companions if she couldn't even be bothered to identify them. Snot ran down her nose; Kel swiped at it angrily.

She wanted to keep crying forever. But a small part of Kel's mind knew that she was crying more because it felt good to cry, as tired as she was, rather than for the sake of the sparrow. She didn't deserve the sparrow's help. The sparrows didn't deserve to be taken for granted. Kel let out a long exhale and tried to inhale slowly, attempting to calm herself down.

The least she could do was give the unnamed sparrow some sort of burial. Once upon a time, Kel would have wrapped the sparrow in a spare bit of cloth, or cut some from her shirt, but now both were in short supply. Instead, she decided to use her spare shirt to carry the body; while most people were only just waking up, Kel didn't want to answer any questions about why she was carrying a dead bird in her hands. The sparrow securely folded into the shirt, Kel left her tent in search of a shovel.

Shovel in hand, Kel walked out to the edge of camp, away from prying eyes. She tried not to think about how many latrine holes the shovel had been used for. Luckily, Kel didn't run into anyone she knew as she went. She planted her foot on the shovel and scooped out a small amount of dirt. Carefully, she dumped the sparrow into the little hole before covering it once more. It wasn't like the first sparrow burial, years ago in a quiet garden in Persopolis, but it was the best she could do with the resources she had. On her way back through camp, she returned the shovel before heading off to breakfast.

Unfortunately, she bumped into Quinden on the way there.

"Well if it isn't the famous _Protector of the Small_! You've got your filthy shield and people are still calling you names… isn't that a little sad?"

"A pleasure, as always, Quinden," she replied curtly. Although Kel had done her best to avoid her former year-mate, it was not always possible. She tried to walk past him, but he stepped in her way.

"What, you don't have time to catch up with little old me? Tell me, how bad _was_ being stuck with a bunch of commoners for the brunt of the war? I mean, even a scum lover like you must have found it miserable, even if it kept you from messing up anything too important…. I guess that's why you didn't try to stop the Scanran dogs from burning your place down. Then again, that's what happens when jumped up sluts sleep their way into command positions."

"And yet, I see that you aren't leading any more patrols. I guess command realized that you're too lazy and arrogant to handle even that much responsibility," she countered. Quinden flushed.

"That's none of your business!"

"Oops, sorry. I didn't realize your demotion was such a touchy subject. Well, I'll be off now. It was so great catching up, we'll have to do this again sometime." Kel walked around him again. Maybe there was hope for him after all, because Quinden didn't try to stop her a third time. She almost made it to the mess tent when someone jogged up to her. Kel wheeled around, irritated.

"What— Oh, sorry, Faleron. I thought it was Quinden again."

"Yeah, I heard the last bit of that," Faleron smiled. Kel sighed.

"I shouldn't have lost my temper like that. I'm a little cranky today."

"I don't think you're cranky," said Faleron. "I just think that Neal's finally getting to you. He's a bad influence."

"Well, I guess that's alright. But stop me if I start composing flowery poetry to Captain Lawson's eyebrows or something."

"I don't know, that would be rather amusing," he teased as he entered the mess tent. Kel followed Faleron through the queue for food, oatmeal again, and then to a small bench where Seaver already sat, bowl in hand.

"Hey guys," he called.

"Morning, Seaver."

"How are you feeling?" Kel asked.

"Much better, thanks for covering for me last night. I owe you." Kel shrugged.

"What are friends for?" Beyond that, there was little chit chat as the knights ate. Kel wasn't a picky eater, but after a month of mediocre oatmeal, she found it best to try to taste as little as possible. What she would give for just a smidgen of honey. Bowl scraped clean, Kel deposited it the bus bin and left with Faleron and Seaver, discussing the daily camp conference.

"Do you reckon that we'll actually discuss anything important today?" asked Faleron. Seaver snorted.

"Yeah, right."

"Oh come on, it's not very interesting, but we always cover upcoming decisions. You can't tell me that's not important," argued Kel.

"If they were major decisions, or maybe controversial ones, I would agree with you," countered Seaver. "But they're usually about some little problem that's blown out of proportion with only one or two obvious solutions that everyone agrees on anyways. We don't need to meet every day to discuss that." Faleron nodded in agreement.

"Sorry, Kel, but I'm with Seaver on this one. I think we're just meeting so that we can say that we did something, but we all know that we're practically twiddling our thumbs until Maggur surrenders."

"That's exactly what I would like to discuss this morning," said an older man.

"Good morning, Captain Lawson," the group chorused as they bowed briefly. Although socially, three knights would never defer to a common-born captain, the army followed strict military discipline.

"Yes, yes. Get in. I want to discuss finding a way to force Maggur's hand; if he's not going to bring the fight to us, we had better bring the fight to him!"

"Really, sir?" Lawson's mustache twitched with mirth.

"Really, Keladry. But I won't say anything more until everyone is assembled; I don't want to repeat myself unnecessarily." Kel, Faleron, and Seaver found seats next to each other. To her disappointment (though not to her surprise), Quinden still joined these talks and was already here. She looked around at everyone but him. Finally, Lawson addressed the room at large.

"Now, as I am sure you are all aware, this summer has been unusually quiet compared to previous years throughout the war. Well, I don't know about all of you, but I'm tired of cooling my heels out on the border. I would much rather go home to my family and cool my heels there. So, to make that happen, we need to end this war.

"But Maggur seems unwilling to surrender. I don't know why, to be honest. Yes, by and large the Scanrans appear to avoid surrender in battle at all costs. But they aren't afraid of running away with their tales between their legs, as we saw last year when the killing devices failed.

"Maggur's lost his ace in the hole. Without those cursed killing devices, it's just his forces against ours. I can't speak for the navy, his wolfships seem competent and dangerous according to all of the reports I've heard, but I can speak for the armies. And ours are better, plain and simple. Men, we're going to win this war. And since, as I told a few of you, he's not coming down here, we're going to have to go up to Scanra and wrangle a defeat out of him. So, who's with me?" A cheer went around the room.

For the first time since she arrive, Kel felt a smile on her face. She couldn't wait. This was more like what she thought the war would be like.

* * *

Hey guys, I'm back! I hope you enjoy the latest installment. Special thanks to mellyfan, Madrigal of Rose, and missgrant for your support and criticism; I hope I addressed everything adequately.

-Rudduck


	3. Chapter 3

Ack. So there were midterms. And lots of homework. And sunshine (they combine so well). Now I'm replacing the stove, cabinets, counter, and floor in my kitchen. BUT, I finally have time for _Tired,_ so without further delay….

* * *

Chapter Three

The meeting continued; instead of wasting everyone's time while pretending to accomplish anything, today's debate centered around their new objective, bringing the fight to Scanra. A few (impatient fools, in Kel's opinion) loudly repeated that it would only take one more decisive battle to intimidate Maggur and cement a favorable peace treaty. To her relief, these were a minority of the men present.

The rest poured over the few maps of Scanra that they had, trying to pinpoint ideal battlefields. Although taking Hamrkeng would be pivotal, capturing it would be difficult. A red flag marked its position along Scanra's coast, the mouth of the Aud River forming Hamrkeng's harbor.

"How are the defenses of Frasrlund holding, sir?" Kel asked.

"Same old, same old," replied Captain Lawson, "Though I haven't heard any recent reports. Why do you ask?"

"If Frasrlund could spare any of the navy, a two-pronged attack on Hamrkeng would make things a lot easier; the navy could attack by sea, possibly dropping off a couple of Rider groups along the way, and we could flush out the city from behind," she elaborated.

"Too bad Frasrlund probably can't spare the ships, though," murmured Sergeant Bertran.

"Why do the ships have to come from Frasrlund?" asked Seaver. "It doesn't make much sense to remove them from the city that needs them most. But what if they came from a different station?"

"True, but we also don't want to lighten security down south only for Carthak or the Copper Islands to come sweeping in," Lawson pointed out.

"What if we only took a ship or two from an area? That region's patrol would be thinner, but not abandoned," added Seaver.

"You know, that could work. I don't think we'll need more than a handful of ships to attack Hamrkeng from the sea," mused Faleron. "But then again, where have Scanra's ships been?"

"Probably sailing down south for raiding season, or, waiting in the Northern Emerald Ocean to prevent us from sailing up to Hamrkeng in the first place," suggested Quinden. As much as Kel hated to admit it, the knight had a point.

"Okay, so we would probably need several ships, if only to watch each other's backs on the sail north," said one of the other sergeants, whose name Kel couldn't remember. "What are the odds that Carthak would be willing to keep an eye out for southern raids? I know that the Emperor doesn't want to enter directly unless Scanran ships start raiding his waters as well, but…"

"Relations with Carthak are much better than they once were, but they are still relatively young. And while the Emperor is busy with a lot of internal problems, I don't think that we should announce that we're planning on loosening security," said Faleron.

"Good point. Alright, let's table the discussion on where we might get naval support from, we can come back to it later. How are _we_ going to get to Hamrkeng?"

"We'd have to do it in stages; Hamrkeng's at least a thousand miles from here, if we go directly," answered Kel.

"What do you mean 'directly'?" asked Bertran.

"I think that Maggur would be more likely to surrender, and surrender under terms that are beneficial to Tortall, if we take several cities, or other strategic points, not just Hamrkeng," she replied. Before anyone could cut her off, Kel continued. "What if we strike first at Ironridge, here," she pointed on the map. "It's just across the Vassa and one of their army camps. If we _don_ _'_ _t_ take it out, you can bet that they're going to harry us all the way home. Plus, Ironridge probably has some sort of supply cache that we could use."

"True, but Ironridge is completely surrounded by hills. There won't be much open ground for a charge," Seaver observed.

"You're right; there's no way around that. But it would hinder their movement. If we have the advantage of surprise, it could work out in our favor," she said.

"There's probably going to be a lot of traps," Quinden added dubiously. "Then again, they probably think that their safe on their side of the river. We'll probably catch them with their pants around their ankles."

"All the same, vigilance is always necessary," said another sergeant. From the sharpness in his voice, Kel surmised that they had been working together lately, to both parties' dismay.

"Anyways, from Ironridge, we could move north to Oflon," she continued.

"That's on the completely opposite side of the country from Hamrkeng! Why in Mithros' name would you want to take Oflon?" asked Faleron.

"Because," Kel explained, "Oflon has easy access to the Drell River, which in turn means that we would have an easier time getting supplies and reinforcements to us quickly. Also, we would send the message that Tortall is committed to taking all of Scanra. We've never sent that message before."

"Yes, but _are_ we willing to invade, and hold, all of Scanra?" It was one of the other sergeants this time.

"Do we have much of a choice? I know that we would have to run this by General Vanget and it's going to be an exhaustive campaign, but how else are we going to show Maggur that we're a serious threat?" Several men nodded in agreement with Kel's words.

"Alright," said Lawson, "So assuming that General Vanget, and the King, are on board, what would you do after taking Oflon?"

"After Oflon, which we should keep secured with at least a rudimentary force, we could move north to Narvee." Kel pointed to it on the map, lying on the Vassa at the base of the mountains.

"You're awfully fond of rivers, aren't you, lass?" commented Bertran.

"I value their tactical advantages," shrugged Kel. "Anyways, Narvee is likely a commercial center in Scanra. At the very least, it's probably a mining town, which would also suggest forges. So if we take Narvee, we could replace any gear we damage and take out one of the sources of weaponry for Maggur's troops."

"I'm sure he'll just love that," Seaver said dryly. Kel smiled.

"Narvee will probably have decent defenses, if that's the case," added Faleron. "But if we can keep continuous supply shipments from Oflon, we can outlast them."

"If we lose Oflon though, we would get pinched between any forces they might send against us," observed Quinden.

"Okay, so we don't lose Oflon. Or, if we can't keep men stationed there, we raze it before we leave,"suggested one of the other sergeants. The men around the table let out small cheers. Kel didn't join in, but she refrained from telling them off for it; she didn't like the idea of setting a town on fire, but this wasn't New Hope and she needed to convince them to listen to her strategy.

"Once Narvee falls, the rest is relatively easy; we just float down the river, until we get here, to the junction of the Vassa and the Smirskir," Kel tapped the map. "Then we'll have to start moving upstream; I don't know how strong the current will be, so I'm not sure if it would be easier to paddle or to march. There's a good road that runs along the river though, so we can take full advantage of that."

"Did you use that road on your way to Rathhausak?" asked Lawson.

"We used a game trail that ran parallel to it."

"In that case, while it may have been a good road, we should expect traps and ambushes along it, especially if Maggur learns of your participation," he continued.

"Good point," said Faleron. "But for all we know, the entire country is booby trapped. And Maggur will have to respond sooner or later, but isn't that the point of the whole campaign?"

"Noted. Alright, so traveling along the Smirskir, river or road, I presume that you intend that we capture Torstad?" Lawson asked. Kel nodded.

"If we can take Torstad, we'll gain another outpost from which we can recuperate. By then, it will be obvious that we're cutting a swathe across Scanra until we get to Hamrkeng, so it should make Maggur sweat a little. And if we do it in stages, it will be much easier to keep our supply lines clear."

"I think that Torstad could be another Scanran army camp," said Seaver, peering at the map.

"It's possible," added Bertran. "From Torstad, it would be easy to send men and supplies down the river…. Looks like they could take it all the way to the sea, if they wanted."

"All the way to Frasrlund, too. So if we took Torstad, we could probably lessen the pressure on our forces there," commented Faleron.

"Or," said Seaver excitedly, "it would lessen their _land_ forces, but draw extra ships… possibly away from Hamrkeng!"

"I doubt that they would purposely lessen the defenses around Hamrkeng," said Quinden.

"They definitely won't weaken Hamrkeng's defenses if we move north along the Smirskir and get to Grimreid," Kel added with a smile. She was glad that most of the council appreciated her plan.

"Grimreid? Where's that?" asked Lawson.

"Right here," Kel pointed it out on the map. "It's right where the Aud River splits; the Smirskir on the east, flowing down to Torstad and into the Vassa, and the Aud, flowing to the west, all the way to Hamrkeng and the coast." Lawson whistled.

"That's a rather roundabout way of getting to Hamrkeng," said one of the sergeants. "It adds… it's gonna be at least 1,400 miles of campaigning."

"But at least 500, maybe even 600, of those miles will be floating down river in boats," said Bertran.

"The benefit of taking cities and towns along the way is so that we don't have to do the entire thing in one go," Kel explained. "This way, we can rest, recuperate, take care of any wounded, and resupply. Also, it'll draw Maggur's attention, which means, Mithros bless, Fort Mastiff may be able to slip an army directly across the Vassa Plain and meet us at Hamrkeng. But's that's a 400-mile march for them, so it'll take some careful coordination. But that way, we would have the manpower to set up a ring around the city, so that Maggur can't escape, should he attempt to run."

"This is a solid plan, but it's going to take _months_. We may not be back before the winter snows come," Lawson said slowly.

"It's quite possible. But we don't have to keep plowing onwards during the winter if it proves too harsh. Holding on to the cities that we've gained by that point should be relatively simple, especially if we keep our supply lines open behind us so that we can get food and reinforcements along the way," Kel explained, yet again.

The meeting continued for another candle mark as the assembly picked over smaller details, hashing out a cohesive plan until, finally, they adjourned. Kel was glad that they, for the most part, approved of her plan and that they were finally doing (or at least talking about doing) something productive, but she was also glad when Captain Lawson dismissed them for the day.

While the majority of the group went off to the mess hall for lunch, Kel wandered back to her tent. She had half a mind to grab Neal's letter and bring it to Tobe, but she knew that Tobe was probably in the middle of something. Not wanting to make life harder for the boy (the other stablehands still mocked him for his employment to Kel), she left it instead on the small cot inside his tent. Despite Tobe's natural tendency towards messiness, she noted with pleasure that his tent was remarkably neat for an adolescent boy. She must have been rubbing off on him after all. Kel sighed; for all that she enjoyed working with Seaver and her talks with Faleron, she missed Tobe's company. She hoped that she would see more of her servant once they were on the march again.

Kel returned to her own tent. Her stomach gurgled, but she ignored it, sitting down at her desk instead, pulling a sheet of parchment towards her along with a quill and bottle of ink. She carefully addressed the letter to her parents, before pausing, thinking of what to write. It wasn't that she had no desire to communicate with beloved parents, but that she did not know how much she should censor her involvement in the war, nor how to fill a page talking about her tedious day-to-day affairs. Her stomach gurgled again, louder this time. Deciding that a full stomach would help her draft an appropriate letter, Kel put her writing implements aside and left her tent once more.

Upon leaving her tent, Kel opted to take the longer route to the mess. A small part of her hoped that she might catch a glimpse of Tobe, or, at the very least, see something that would interest her parents. Kel knew that her parents wanted to know what she was up to, but she also knew that, after three sons who were also knights, news of the war front was less than exciting.

In her last letter, Ilane asked if Kel was seeing anyone. At the time, Kel brushed it off; it was a reply to her own letter about Neal's wedding and Raoul's wedding and Ilane was bound to be curious. Kel was inclined to ignore the question, but she suspected that her mother would continue to bring it up. On the other hand, if she made any mention of her nonexistent love life, she had no doubt that it would become the theme of her correspondence, which was the last thing on earth that she wanted.

Absorbed in thought, Kel almost crashed into someone. Suppressing a blush, she began to apologize.

"No, no, it was my fault. I'm sorry, Kel, I just wasn't looking where I was going," said Faleron sheepishly.

"Neither was I. So I guess it's both of our faults."

"I can live with that. So where are you off to? We missed you at lunch."

"I'm actually on my way to grab some food now. I was trying to write a letter to my parents, but I wasn't making any progress."

"You take a break from drafting a letter, but you'll stay up all night working on battle strategies? You're quite the character, Keladry of Mindelan," Faleron said with a smile. Kel couldn't help but smile back.

"Strategy is much more logical and less scary than writing to one's parents." At Faleron's puzzled look, Kel continued, "Bar one brother, I am the last of my siblings to get married and I think my mother is catching on.

"Ah," Faleron said quickly. For a moment, Kel thought that she had said too much, but she couldn't think of anything to say that would ease the awkwardness. Thankfully, Faleron broke the silence a few moments later. "By the way, you came up with a really impressive plan for invading Scanra. That's why you've been working so hard lately, isn't it?" Kel shrugged.

"I needed to do something. Anyways, I just hope that General Vanget agrees."

"Too bad it'll be at least a fortnight until we find out if we're moving out or sitting here," Faleron added.

"At least Vanget has a mage powerful enough to communicate directly with the king. Imagine waiting here for another month!"

"Aw come on," said Faleron as he slung an arm around her shoulders. "There are a few perks; I finally get the chance to catch up with the legendary Pr-Keladry!"

"Nice save," said Kel. She wasn't really sure how to respond to the arm that rested across her shoulders. On one hand, while he was an old friend, but on the other, she couldn't remember a time when any of her friends, barring Neal and Cleon, touched her so casually. She decided to relax and accept the warmth; she could puzzle it out later.

"It's a popular name amongst the bards," he said unapologetically.

"The army gets a lot of bards now, does it? I have yet to see any."

"Ah, but that's because you stay hidden away with your weapons or your paperwork or your extra guard duty or whatever other chore you find needs doing," Faleron said, his tone joking, as they walked around the edge of the practice area.

"I like being busy, that's all." Kel said. A second later she heard a small choking sound.

"I like you," Faleron blurted out. The arm around her shoulders tensed, but stayed put.

"What?" Kel stopped walking.

"I don't know what's going on," replied Faleron. He dropped his arm from around her shoulders and took a step back to face her.

"What did you just say?" If Faleron's face did not qualify as scarlet before, there was no doubt that his cheeks were a bright crimson now.

"I-," he took a deep breath and seemed to resolve himself, looking up to meet Kel's gaze. "Kel, I have feelings for you. I've had these feelings for a long time, but I always pushed them to the side. But they all came rushing back when you came back into my life. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to compromise our jobs here and because I was afraid that you might try to avoid me.

"I was going to tell you, but I thought that I should wait until the war was over. However, I was compelled to tell you now. So," his voice wavered, "now you know." He looked up at her hopefully.

Kel was flummoxed. But a new relationship, just as they were about to invade Scanra seemed like a bad idea, something that she knew better than to pursue. She meant to tell him that she wasn't interested, but when she opened her mouth, she couldn't breathe; she was choking. She tried to force a refusal out.

Instead, she heard herself say, "I don't know how I feel about that." All of a sudden, she could breathe again, but the words kept coming. "I can't say that I've never thought about it, but —"

Kel couldn't outright tell him no. Whatever was compelling them to talk was also compelling them to be strictly honest. Kel didn't like the feeling. She had never thought of herself as a liar before, but she didn't like announcing every secret that she had.

"Do you know why we're being compelled to tell the truth?" she asked instead. Faleron shook his head no.

"I have no idea. Before we investigate, which, I think we would both really like to do, do you mind if I ask you a question?" When Kel opened her mouth to reply, he quickly added, "Then we can figure this out later. We really should figure out what's going on, I just need to know."

Kel looked at him for a moment. She was afraid of what he might ask. But this was her friend Faleron and she knew, regardless of whatever feelings there might be between them, that he was not the type of person to take advantage of this awkward honesty-compulsion to hurt her. And the sooner he asked, the sooner they could figure out what was going on. Slowly, she nodded. Faleron looked, if anything, more nervous.

"Kel, if I… how would you feel if I kissed you?" She was about to reply, yet again, that she didn't know, but then she thought back to the arm he had casually draped around her shoulder. Part of her cursed herself for her answer.

"It… it could be nice, I guess." She tried to look anywhere but at Faleron. "I think I found the reason why we have to speak the whole truth," she said, pointing to a large tree ten yards away, just outside of camp.

"What? Oh. Mithros," breathed Faleron as he too noticed the large griffin.

* * *

Sorry again for the delay in chapters. Now that I'm on top of my homework (and almost finished with the term), I think it'll be easier to stay on top of things and get the next chapter out promptly.

-Rudduck


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Kel and Faleron stared at the griffin in the tree. He was a handsome creature, but Kel remembered all too well how sharp those claws, currently digging into bark, could be. But she was glad for the distraction that the griffin provided; she really did not want to talk about romance and feelings with Faleron right now.

"Why in Mithros' name is a griffin _here_ of all places?" asked Faleron. "I could have sworn that they prefer to roost near water sources. You know, for the fish."

"That's what I thought, too. But when I took care of that griffin cub, he wasn't all that picky about what he ate, so long as it was meat. Well, sometimes," she answered with a grimace. Kel rubbed a finger over one of the bigger scars on the back of her hand, a lasting memorial from the griffin.

"I forgot you used to tote that little monster around with you."

"Yeah, I try to forget too, sometimes."

"That doesn't sound like you," Faleron frowned. "Did you get too attached?"

"No, I knew from the get go that he wasn't going to stick around forever. I didn't even name him, officially; don't worry, he earned more than a few epithets. I was a little sad when he left, though." The words kept spilling out of her mouth. "But between nightmares about Blayce, adopting Tobe, and running New Hope, I try not to spend too much time living in the past."

The griffin peered at them from his perch; Kel and Faleron stared back, almost frozen.

"You know, it's times like these that I really wish Daine was around," Kel said after a moment. "I just wish we knew what he wanted."

"You think he wants something? What if he just fancied roosting in that tree?"

"Faleron, how often do you see griffins _choosing_ to roost near areas with a lot of human activity? From what I remember from lectures at the Palace, they usually choose the exact opposite. Something about disliking the sound of human voices, or something."

"Mmm. Good point. Maybe..."

"What?"

"Well, how long does it take a griffin to mature?"

"I'm not sure. But the baby griffin grew pretty fast, especially towards the end. Why?"

"What if it's the same griffin that you used to take care of?"

"That's crazy," Kel said flatly.

"Is it?" She thought about it for a moment.

"I mean, I guess it's possible. Possible, mind you, not likely. It has been... four years? five years? since I saw the griffin last. I have no idea how long the young stay with their parents. When I saw him last, I got the impression that griffin families typically stay together for a long time."

"Something could have happened; he was already separated from them once. There's no way to find out, is there? Like, their feathers don't have identifying patterns on them, do they?" Faleron asked. Kel shook her head.

"That won't work; yes, I've noticed a difference between the female griffin and the male griffin's feathers that they gave me, but the last time I saw the baby griffin, he still had his juvenile feathers. So even if the marks indicate a specific griffin, versus female pattern and male pattern, I still wouldn't know if this is the same griffin."

As if on cue, the griffin began to preen his glossy feathers. Kel watched in contemplation.

"I have an idea, though," she said at last. "Just... be prepared to fetch a healer in case this doesn't work. Griffins, or at least the ones I've met, are proud, condescending creatures. So there's a decent chance that I'll offend him."

"Kel, don't-"

"And don't you _dare_ tell me what I will or won't do, Faleron." Normally, Kel wouldn't have said something like that. Thought it, yes, but she'd have kept it to herself. "I'm sorry, that came out harsher than it should have; it's the whole compelled-honesty thing. I am so glad that the baby griffin was too young to have much of an aura."

"It's okay, Kel, but please don't take any unnecessary risks. I need you." Faleron blushed scarlet.

"Erm, right." It wasn't a graceful thing to say, and part of Kel immediately regretted saying it, but at least she'd responded this time.

Kel gave herself a small shake. Now was _not_ the time to have that conversation, or to be distracted by the situation. Sometimes she really wished that she was as emotionless as Joren once accused her of being. But now wasn't the time for that line of thought, either.

She took a small step toward the griffin's tree, away from Faleron and the relative safety of camp. Kel looked hesitantly at the griffin, but he did not appear to have noticed. She took another couple of steps. No response. Careful not to approach the griffin directly, Kel continued her diagonal tack. The griffin watched her closely now, but otherwise gave no indication of his feelings about the approaching human. Kel stopped again when she was within a horse-length of the tree. Her hands shook and she felt jumpy; if she offended the griffin now, she was toast.

The griffin abandoned all pretext of grooming, watching her keenly. Kel tried not to blink. She wasn't sure why, but it felt important. Those golden eyes stared back, maintaining direct eye contact.

"Hey, you," Kel said at last. It sounded dumb, even to her ears, but what else was she supposed to say? She cursed herself for never calling the baby griffin by a name in the past, if only because it would have made this encounter more straightforward.

The griffin squawked and pounced from his perch, landing softly on the ground at the base of the tree. Kel flinched, but quickly took a step backward to rebalance herself, preparing for a fight. She took comfort from the weight of the sword hanging at her side, ironically dubbed _Griffin._ She didn't unsheathe her sword, however. While she had never been particularly good at drawing a sword quickly, to do so now would make a tense moment tenser. Since the griffin merely sat in front of her, there was little she could do but give him the benefit of the doubt.

"Kel?" Faleron called. For a brief moment, she had forgotten all about him. Not wanting to turn away from the griffin, Kel made a thumbs-up sign to Faleron, hoping that he would interpret is as a sign that she was okay, rather than as a go-ahead to call reinforcements over.

The griffin continued to sit, though he appeared less comfortable than he had been but a minute ago. Hesitantly, Kel took a small step forward. The griffin's small ears flicked backwards, almost flat against his skull.

"Hi, griffin," Kel whispered. "Are you a little monster?" The griffin's ears perked up and he bounded over to Kel. Before she could move, he head-butted her, wrapped himself around her, and then flopped over at her feet, legs and wings outstretched. If that wasn't a clear invitation for a belly rub, Kel didn't know what was.

"Kel?" Faleron called again; Kel ignored him.

She knew that the griffin, who was probably the very same that she had cared for as a cub, wanted attention. But Kel wasn't entirely trusting of the creature before her. She remembered that the baby griffin, even when he was feeling playful rather than annoyed, was fond of using his claws to shred her hands.

The griffin stretched out just a little bit farther. Resigned, Kel knelt down to pat the griffin's feathers. Monster relaxed, closing his eyes. Kel let out the breath she'd been holding. She rubbed his stomach for a moment before quietly withdrawing her hand; he might seem calm and docile, but the scars on her hand said otherwise.

"Kel?" Faleron called for a third time. Kel turned to face him.

"It's okay. I think. But yeah, I'm fairly certain it's the same griffin," she finally replied.

"I'm assuming that's a good thing?" Faleron asked as he approached cautiously.

"I'm not sure, but it at least explains why there's a griffin roosting at the edge of camp."

"Do you think we should send for Daine?" Kel pondered the question for a moment before responding.

"I don't actually know her all that well, but I think that she'd want someone to tell her. That being said, I know that she's on maternity leave and there's a good chance that she won't be able to get here," she said.

"Or," added Faleron, "she might not want to endanger her child." Kel frowned.

"Out of all the people who might approach Monster, I think Daine has the _least_ to worry about, pregnant or not."

"Monster?"

"If he's going to stick around, we need something to call him. It's not his real name, of course, but he responded to that, so..." Kel's voice drifted off as she looked back down at the griffin, sprawled out on the grass but watching Faleron keenly.

"So now that we know what's behind the truth compulsion, Kel, can we talk?"

"My hand is literally on the belly of a, well, Monster. And from what I can remember, my hand is his favorite chew toy." Kel shot up a quick prayer to Sakuyo. She didn't normally pray to the Yamani god of pranks, but with the griffin's reappearance, she didn't think she could be too careful.

"How about you just listen, then?" Kel could hear the hopeful note in his voice. Gods, she wished she didn't. But Faleron was, at the very least, her friend and she owed it to him to hear him out. On the other hand, she didn't want yet another obligation on top of everything else.

"Faleron, I'm really sorry, but I'm busy."

"Kel, you're always busy. Actually, sometimes I get the impression that you're too busy." Before Kel could interrupt, Faleron continued. "And it makes me worry sometimes, that you're so busy working hard to save everyone else, you run out of energy, or will, to save yourself. And I just can't let that happen, Kel."

"You think I'm suicidal?"

"Gods, no! But I see you every day. Getting thinner, every day. Running ragged, even more tired than the day before. You're losing a little bit of yourself every day and it... I can't just watch and do nothing. I l-have feelings for you. I was going to wait to tell you, but I'm afraid that if I don't tell you, you'll be gone by the time that I have."

"And you think that having a romantic relationship will make me less busy?" Kel couldn't help her bitter tone, though she regretted it an instant later. Monster shifted underneath her fingers and she quickly resumed petting him before he got hungry for a snack.

"No, it won't make you less busy, unless you let me take on some of your work, or delegate it to others. But I think I could make you less stressed. But mostly, I want you to know that someone, even if it's just me, cares about what happens to you." Kel frowned.

"What do you mean, 'just you'?"

"Kel, if we didn't know each other as pages, would we be friends now? Would you notice that I exist?"

"That's not fair, Faleron. You _know_ I've been too busy to seek out new friends. I mean, I train with some of the men, but—"

"—You're busy. I get it. Look, I'm not asking for much of your time, I know you don't have any to spare."

"Then what do you want?"

Faleron shook his head.

"That's not the right question. Kel, what do _you_ want? Big picture, aside from the war. What do you want?"

"It's unrealistic to imagine my life without the war; it's my biggest priority right now and it's my job, day in and day out."

"But...," Faleron prodded.

"But..." Kel sighed. "Look, I can't promise anything, Faleron, but yes, it would be nice to have someone to care about."

"And to have someone to care about you?"

Kel yanked her hand back as Monster rolled onto his paws again. With a squawk, he took off into the air, circling above them for a moment. Kel held a hand up to shield her eyes from the sun as she tracked his flight. The griffin, apparently bored, flew out of sight.

"For starters," she said as she turned back to camp, "we're going to inform Captain Lawson about possible griffin activity in the area."

"Kel," Faleron said, almost harshly.

"Yes, Faleron?" She looked him square in the eyes, waiting for a reply. He met her gaze. Where he had been nervous and agitated a moment ago, now Faleron stared at her with resolve. Kel looked away. She could feel the heat rising in her cheeks.

"Kel," he began again. His voice was softer this time as he took a step towards her. Kel wasn't sure if she wanted to turn and run or if she wanted him to come closer still.

"Faleron, please, I need time to think about this. But I can't even consider courting you if it's going to interrupt our work."

"I know, Kel, but—"

"Right now, I need to report to Captain Lawson about the griffin. I'll see you around." Before Faleron could call her back again, Kel dashed into camp. She wasn't running away; Lawson really did need that report, she told herself. Camp was as chaotic as ever. Every now and then, Kel glanced over her shoulder to double-check that Faleron really wasn't following her.

Captain Lawson was in his tent-turned-office when she found him. The cluttered tent was adjacent to the larger one used for their daily conferences. Like Kel, Lawson had fashioned himself a temporary desk. He looked up from his paperwork as she entered.

"Ah, Mindelan. What can I do for you?"

"I'm sorry to interrupt you, sir, but I thought you would like to know that there is an adult male griffin in the area."

As she expected, Lawson was not pleased by her announcement. But he did handle it much better than she gave him credit for. Kel abbreviated the encounter she had with Monster and her history with the Immortal. After the initial shock wore off, Lawson asked a few questions during the pauses in Kel's story.

"I see. Then I'm appointing you, Keladry, to keep an eye out for this griffin, and any others, who may be in the area. I'll only need updates if you think that he poses a threat to camp activity. I'm going to trust your judgement on this one."

"Yes, sir," Kel said as she bowed and left the tent. Her stomach gurgled as she did so. In all of the excitement about Monster, she had forgotten her original reason for interrupting her work: lunch.

Kel made her way to the mess tent. To her delight, Tobe was also grabbing a late lunch.

"Good to see there's room on your plate for vegetables too," she greeted. Tobe rolled his eyes.

"Yes, Mother."

"So how've you been? It's been ages since we had the chance to talk."

"Not a whole lot; Dean's kept the groom's pretty busy, as usual. I'm getting a little bored of the day-to-day, to be honest."

"Yeah, well, hopefully, that might change soon."

"Really?" Tobe looked up from his hurried meal. He stared at her intently. "Why do you say that, Lady?"

"We discussed a proposal to bring the war to Maggur this morning."

"Who's 'we'? That leadership conference you've been going to?" Kel nodded. "Well," continued Tobe, "it's about time they decided on something."

"Don't get too excited. While we all agreed on it, including Captain Lawson, it's going to be at least a week until we hear whether we've got the go ahead or not."

"What do you mean?"

"We're talking about invading Scanra, so we need the full backing of General Vanget _and_ the Crown," Kel said between bites. "And it's going to take any messenger a couple days, at least, to ride to Northwatch. Luckily, Vanget's got a mage with enough range to scry to Corus, so we don't have to wait for someone to ride all the way to the Palace and back—"

"D'you ever miss living at the Palace, milady?" Kel put her fork down on her plate as she pondered the question and it's implications.

"I miss some of the people, and the food. But I'd rather be in the field. Life feels more real, like we're doing something. Oh! Speaking of missing people, I've got a letter from Neal with news of New Hope back in my tent, if you'd like to read it later."

"Yeah, that sounds great." The pair continued eating, mostly in silence. Kel wanted to keep the conversation going, but she didn't know what to say. They walked together back to Kel's tent.

Kel rummaged through the papers on her desk with a frown. It wasn't like her to lose paperwork, especially not papers that she actually wanted to reread! She sighed and smiled.

"I remember where it is now."

"Good, I was starting to get worried. You never lose things; it'd be a shame to start now," Tobe laughed. "So where is it?"

"I left it on your cot so that you could read it even if I didn't have a chance to catch you in person," Kel explained. Shaking his head in amusement, Tobe led the way to his neighboring tent. As promised, the letter lay in plain view on his cot. Tobe picked it up. His mouth turned into a small smile as he read.

"What's this part about us reuniting with Neal?" he asked as he folded up the letter and handed it back to Kel. "Are we going to pass by New Hope on our way north?"

"Only if Vanget makes significant changes to our strategy. I don't know what Neal means, but I hope Irani's not pulling his leg."

"It would be nice to see good ol' Meathead again."

"Since when have _you_ called him that?"

"Ah, c'mon, Lady. You've gotta admit it's got a nice ring to it." Kel chuckled. "Anyways, it was good to see you again, but I've gotta get back to work." Kel followed his out of the tent.

"Bye, Tobe. Don't be a stranger!"

"Yes, Mother!" Tobe called as he wandered off in the direction of the stables. Kel sighed. Their brief conversation only made her miss Tobe more. She would probably have more need of his services while on the march, providing an opportunity to reconnect, or so she hoped.

She returned to her own tent. Her unfinished letter to her mother waited for her on the desk. Kel sat down and tried again to think of something appropriate and interesting to say.


End file.
